but Christ has liveth in me.
I was reminded of my horrifying past once again last night.
but thanks to those that told me what was and is happening now.
i thank God that for His constant reminder that i'm His and i shouldn't have felt that way b'cos He forgives any deepest or darkest sin that has ever surface on the earth.
I just can't believe that all the while that i've been trying so hard,
fighting so hard, trying to get out of it so much, and almost wanted to end my own life.
The friend that i thought was one of my most trusted became the most dangerous rocks in my life, one that can easily crush me.
For swearing to have kept it well,
it was being told to every single one except me for the past 8 years.
all i can say is that i have lived my life well every since it all has ended,
and i will.
And since the most hate-able sin in my life has been forgiven, and i am of no stand to not forgive u. I'm just really disappointed with you that all these years that i thought i've treated you as my friend, my most trustable one u actually back-stabbed me. Silly how i thought life has been so kind to me that the past wouldn't haunt me and that i'll be able to live past it quickly.
So i'm sorry my dear R.T, i forgive you.
But I can't help it to not be able to treat you like how i used to last time.
i was foolish and silly.
so please stop talking about it,
stop discussing about it,
stop telling me about it,
AND don't ask me about it.
i'm turning 21 next year,
i've learn to be accountable for my own action,
live it with not much of a regret.
life is interesting and sinful.
it really is.