but u guys can choose whether to read on anot.
lesson to be learn 1:
life is full of choices.
choose it wisely.
lesson to be learn 2:
dun be bitter about ur life and move on.
lesson to be learn 3:
dun stay too far away from God.
these few days has been unbearable.
let's start from saturday.
from some issue of my girls,
to lonely evening home.
reach back,
wanted to rest.
my brother's music was too loud,
and gave me bad headache in the morning.
then it makes me wonder what's so nice about home?
i hate disappointments.
my saturday evening was suppose to be.
' finally i've got an evening free for my family
nice dinner out and talk to each other'
called home,
mummy and her usual respond to going out.
felt really trash up,
decided to go home and stay in my room.
sunday,
i thought maybe it was a day off,
dun have to bother to ask mummy out,
chill with my frens,
thereafter meet up with bum for christmas shopping.
how nice.
then something really unexpected happen.
what i thought was meant to be a joke got too personal,
and he kinda hurt me verbally of course.
i was really upset to hear what he said and all,
and just when i thought he was mature enough to know
how to react and what not to be said.
i'm really upset by how a person that i used to look up to have actually said that to me.
i was told that i am overly-sensetive,
but i dun think so.
then somebody said that he is a straight-forward person,
he meant no harm.
but it's not difficult to differenciate btwn rude and straight-forward.
i was really being put on the spot.
and was really ready to walk out.
cause i told myself,
i dun have to go thru this,
i dun deserve this crap.
how great for my evening to be ruin.
then whatever that he said bugged me till today.
how many boy fren have u have so far?
aren't u tired?
what is dating to u?
movie? dinner? or somebody to spend valentines with?
in front of so many people.
i didn't reply him.
cause i didn't want to be bothered to.
i was upset because i thought that he was being rude.
yes.
so what if i had like 4ex.
and i'm not tired of it.
none of it was a good ending.
thanks so much for reminding me of it.
i know it has all been bad.
but u don have to bring it up at all
cause it's totally unnecessary.
But not bad,
u manage to hurt me,
thanks for all the reminders again.
but one thing that u didn't know is that,
how i wish non of it have started.
today,
after school.
i thought that since i got my evening free,
i might want to go get my christmas decos.
was deciding whether to call mummy,
cause i know she'll sure disappoints me.
but i didn in the end,
hanging on the that pathetically small hope that she'll say yes.
she didn't want to cause she said that she's scared to drive a night.
yet again
my evening was suppose to be
dinner at home,
ikea with mummy and buy lot'sa nice stuff to do up the house.
chat about my day along the way.
but no..
expected,
but just upset about it.
i think i'm getting depression.
i'm upset and i dun really feel like talking to any one.
i feel like crying
but i can't give myself a good reason to.
i'm giving bad attitude to bum without reason.
i dun like to go home.
i can't study properly.
i dun have any mood to do anything.
i can't believe that i scolded my fren ass-h*l* today.
oh dear.
what's gotten into me?
i need a break.
God save me.
i know i haven't been good,
but please take all these away.
*post.s: dun worry about me, if there's any.
cause everything is gonna be alright.
as i grew,
i realise many things,
adults are just as weak as all of us,
just as sinful as us.
but i just can't understand why can't they just move on,
and make life much more meaningful on earth.
oh wells,
man is weak.
i know bigguy is so gonna be disappointed with me.
so many years of having Him,
yet still upset about my life.
dun worry,
i'll be able to move on.
love u all