going back tomorrow~
today.. had lot'sa fun..
velle was lazy lar~
sit there and yawn..
didn't wan to participate the rock climbing.. haha..
when we end still dare to tell me..
i hungry lei..
yawn till hungry..
hahahahahaha..
rock climbing was FUN~
ms sherine just msn me..
made me thought of alot of things..
me and him..
whether we should continue our relationship..
i know from the start that he is not spiritually stable..
but i chose to be with him..
and worst is..
i still ask me friends to bless me..
i guess they was sure reluctant to do it..
i told them that i'll try to bring him closer to God..
but i didn't..
he didn't attent cell..
now.. not even a church service..
i really dunno..
its not that i'm selfish..
but.. i really need a guy who can leads me spiritually..
but i know he can't
i really dun wan to end this relationship..
and initially i already told myself..
if he can't love God..
i can't love him!
but i can't keep my own promise.
i told him that i'll not be with him if he
don't grow spiritually..
but i didn't had the courage to end this relationship..
I love him.. yes i do..
and its alot..
i know i brought all this trouble to myself..
God and ms sherine already told me that theres a hole in front of me..
yet i choose to jump in..
now i'm really confuse..
wad shud i do..
i really dun wanna end this..
this relationship make me sin alot
sometimes i became reluctant to go to church
or too ashame to pray to HIM..
but i dun like it this way..
like when i'm busy serving in Gb..
he complains..
i really hope he could understand..
like..
say something like well done dear~
God knows that u are working hard..
but all he say is: i think u shud not be so busy with GB ..
u shud work more to bank in the money..
cause i was complaining that my bank's money is being
deduct monthly 'cos under 500..
when he joke about Gb.. it makes me sad..
why can't u encourage me.. why u wanna say such things..
during y.c .. when u talk to me
in that very bad attitude because of that steamboat auction
that u all didn'tget the pizza..
i was like.. ok.. hold back ur tears von..
i was really tired in the camp..
u didn't say something nice to encourage melike..
good job von.. keep on working on the games..
or.. u've tried ur best..
yesterday.. when we was changing the fish tank water..
i know that i'm stubborn..
i'm super guilty for not taking good care of the fish and
i'm just trying every single way to fix that filter back..
u was like.. seee.. told u just now.. dun listen lar.. now what happen..
then u walk away and go play game..
i told myself not to talk back..
God help me controlled my temper..
it hurts me yar..
He can be really nice..
like my first day of work..
he went all the way to plaza sing to accompany me home..
when i complain that i'm lonely when i'm having lunch..
he went all the way there to accompany me eat..
i'm really confuse..
God..
i know that u have told me whats right and wrong..
u've told me which direction to head..
its up to me to make that decision..
sometimes i really wonder..
why will God die for such a sinful person like me..
who don't obey HIM..
who disappoint HIM
who break promise to HIM
sorry DADDY .. i'm trying very hard..
i'm really feeling very terrible in me..
when i think about what i've done..
it makes me really feel like killing myself..
but i know i must love myself..
help me to repent..
help me to make the decision..
AMEN~